The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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