I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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