It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The air was thick with penises
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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