We need to rekindle our bromance
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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