i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All the doctor said was why
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
