oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
