You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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