it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
