if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
