we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
