I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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