i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just gift wrapped bread.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
