If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."