Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...