What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
