Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
