You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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