so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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