You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
