Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
