I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
