Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
