I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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