oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
