I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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