shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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