All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
