I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So many bounce houses so little time
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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