Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
