I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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