I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your cock deserves a montage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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