Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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