its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
