I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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