I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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