I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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