I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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