Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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