I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
