At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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