woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
