Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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