I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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