I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
