All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
