I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
