I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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