I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Boobs are out for the taking
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
