Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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