The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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