your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
