I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
