Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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