my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
