O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
