we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What a dumb baby whore.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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