This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize