I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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