T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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