i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
