dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
