he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
