you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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