the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
