I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
