apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
