I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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