Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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