i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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