the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
