Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
