I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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