I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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