i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
