garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
