I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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