Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
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I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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