somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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