Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
