I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
