Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
