You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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