I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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