guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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